I know it has been quite awhile since I have blogged. I have missed everyone of my friends on Simply 4 God. I thank everyone of you who continued to follow Simply 4 God even though it has been a while since I last posted. I have even been blessed with some new friends! God is certainly good isn't He?

Well, it will take quite a while to fill you in on everything which has happened in my life, but I might as well start at the beginning and take it from there. I pray you will hang in there with me as the simple life I once had has now been upgraded to a life of busyness.

As you may know, and some may not know, this past March my husband lost his job due to a reduction in the workforce and job eliminations. Well, needless to say, we have been down this road before and it was actually not a surprise to us (his place of employment had been talking about this for quite sometime).  As the saying goes, "last hired, first fired." We simply kept our faith and knew that God had something better planned for him.

Well, he had two weeks left to work before his last day. He went to work and was having chest pains. He did not let me know this before heading off to work. He worked his entire shift in pain. When he got home, I was asleep and he did not wake me. When I woke up the next morning he was already awake. He said, "take me to the emergency room now." I could tell by the look on his face something was terribly wrong with him. His color was dull and grayish looking. I knew in my heart something was not right.

I kept saying to myself, he is just having a stress attack. He will be all right. When we arrived at the ER, they immediately took him in and began work on him. He did not tell me that his right arm was numb and he could hardly breath. The doctors ran test after test and still I did not know what was going on. He was in so much pain. I began to pray knowing in my soul this was more than stress.

After about an hour, the doctor came in and said the words I did not want to hear, :Mr. Murray you had a heart attack and we need to do a heart cath on you right away". The next thing I knew he was being rushed to  be prepped for surgery. My mind was spinning. I could not think. The only thing I could say was, "Lord help me. I do not know what to do."

The nurse led me to a waiting room. She said the procedure would take well over an hour. She would come and get me when he was back in the recovery room. I knew my husbands worse fear was going under. He was always afraid he would not wake back up. "Lord, please wake him back up. Lord, please make everything all right".

I finally noticed I was the only one in the room. I tried to remain positive. I tried to keep my thoughts on the Lord but my mind was only focused on one thing, "heart attack". My husband who is only 44 years old had a heart attack. I could only think the worse. The thought which kept going through my mind was "how can I spend the rest of my life without him? How can I raise the children on my own? How"?

My mind was racing a mile a minute. I was not thinking positive, but negative. Me, a woman who loves the Lord. Me, a woman who trusts in the Lord. Me, a women who believes in the Lord with all her heart and soul was having negative thoughts. What is wrong with me!

No! He is not leaving me! No, everything is going to be all right!!! I screamed this at the top of my lungs, "God you can not take him away from me yet!! Please, God don't take him away from me yet! Make everything all right again". This is not happening!! No, it is not happening!!!

Tears streamed down my face. I started shaking. I need someone to talk to. I needed someone to hold my hand and let me know everything was going to be all right. Everyone I tried to call was not at home or not answering the phone. The one I wanted to talk to the most was not reachable...our pastor.

I was all alone. No one to talk to. No one to hold my hand. What am I going to do?

Be Blessed!